I am reviewing my Blogsite for the past few days , especially those lists about my goals and my proud reports as I accomplished them…… It made me smile, and also made me envy of my older self…. Actually, because of that, I made few realizations (again):
- That I was so focused and deliberate and mindful of my actions and goals;
- That I was so motivated to do/act more and set goals as I accomplished stuff;
- That I was so vocal and can write and express my trivial thoughts and mundane happenings in life
- What a “life-hacker” I was before!
But also I realized that even I AM NOT as focused or deliberate or motivated or as expressive NOW (unlike before)…. looking back, I have fairly DONE and accomplished what I have to do, patterned to the my goals and to my subconscious wants and needs and desires when I was younger. Not Bad! and I have to tap my back for that!
Truly, I subconsciously was NOT getting back to my blogging because of several reasons such as : FEAR (I have to admit it!) of being confronted by Better Version of ME BEFORE, and that I failed “ME” miserably by cruising and “wasting” time (and life) without deliberate plans. And there is also the same reason of SHAME (huhhh even just for myself!) – for always having “this” thoughts of going back to blogging/writing, and actually “starting” it but NEVER sustained it (see how seldom my blogs are). Also, for a fairly good reason also of LACK of MOTIVATION – or that lack of courage to pull a good entry to express my trivial thoughts about my mundane life….
BUT what the heck!
As I was giving too much reasons in my mind NOT to write this, I just purged on and made an absolute resolve (as of now) that I will write (create art) whatever and whenever it takes….
And as I mentioned, looking back…. NOT BAD! and in fact I have done other things that were not “planned” way back (but then it surprised me as well)…. I know, I’m pretty doing a GREAT job now! That I did pretty well between today and since 7 or 9 years back… (It’s just I missed the chance to document them as they happened – well that’s my loss).
See you around! I have so many to chatter about in next few days….