That Weekend

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That Weekend in La Union. Now a rare moments of us five together.

Let me Tackle It, Head-on… (then Move-on Na)

How to tackle obstacles? Just thread into it and don’t dodge it. Problems will become smaller if we will confront them courageously. I will… and it will not trumple me. I will not allow it.

But let me just feel now with remorse and regrets the things that I should have done or things I’ve failed to do. Having this feelings acknowledged that I will soon come to terms of all the anxiety that I have suffered (and still suffering) and all the things that I have gave up senselessly for this.

I believe that I will look at this day in the future with a nod and a smile (and a tinge of regrets maybe), knowing that this thing have not put me down.

#babelsdiary #babelsblog #ThisDayHastobeRemembered #tackleanxiety

Memory Bucket

I will start on “investing” again on memory buckets, mine and for those I love. Will write or drop some few phrases about an event or happennings of things one will fondly remember most when we get older or somber…

July 2021

Jolo: when he made his own recipe of Chili Garlic

Lean: when he baked his version of wheat bread

Aliya: perfected the oatmeal cookies

Mom : on the 7th book to read for the month of May

Papi: the Farmer and Rabbit-lover

…. to be continued… to be updated

(This post is in My Draft folder since May 2012… I just feel the need to revive it)

The Art of Not Complaining

Been sitting here for around 10 hrs on a crumped airplane seat and all my joints and butt and every inch of muscle is aching, stiffening and complaining. There are itching corners I cannot reach and numbing toes I cannot relieve. My mind and body has hundred and one reasons to complain, be grumpy and whine…. oh but wait, I told myself, sit on it, calm your pettiness! Discomfort ba kamo? Think about it, Mama has been on her bed and immobile for 18 months or 12,960 hours, bed-ridden, bound on her constant state of assortments of aches and discomfort, numbness and pain… she can move and change position only with a help of carers… and yet seldom she complained. Majority of those time, as I remember now, she was in her calm and accepting state. And I have imagined now (teary-eyed) the endurance she put on all of those agonies… while me complaining now of a numb toe! Ohh stop it! Pettiness indeed!

– April 25, Pacific Ocean, Seamount

Before I turn 50

This is actually cut-and -paste from my page… written 10 yrs back. Shameful to say, i have accomplished just few (those in Bold) – and now i have only less than 2 years to do the rest… good luck to me…

Horseback riding (on a running horse)
Can make 20 kinds of salad or pasta
See Vatican and Rome
Sea Cruise (Asia)
*Have an Exercise Routine
*Ilocos Tour
Founded a Charitable Foundation
*Charitable mission at rural area
Make love under the starlight (ohh can I change the place na lang? 😅)
Have a date in Paris or London
Back in shape!
*Able to save for my retirement!
document lives of 20 ordinary people
Parasailing
*Underwater Walk or Snorkeling
Be serious in photography
Ride a wildest roller coaster with Jolo (or any great adventure with Jolo)
Write a book
Make snow-angel or sand-angel
*Debt-free, saving-mode
Poll dancing
Visit a rainforest
*Published a company manual
Have a portfolio of home accessory designs
US Trip to see my brothers (soon – in few weeks from now)
*Vacation with parents at Naga
*Mountain hiking
*Be part of a stage play (concerts!)
*Continue hosting gift-giving charity work
*Donate blood

and may I add few more…

• Reunion of our HS BFFs (CSG&GMS)
• Be able to have another scholar
• Set up new consulting company
• Add new stores for Pillow Me
• My art
• Start investing on a beach property

Date in Heaven

Mama have joyfully joined Daddy in heaven… and we know she is now in a happy place, where she can walk, run and do her usual busy-ness and maybe fussing Dad and having fun… she will not definetely trade places with us here… but know Ma that you will be terribly missed by everyone you cared about and helped in anyway.

You have lived your life well Mama. You are a remarkable and selfless mother (a loving lola, an influential aunt, a joyous friend, a loving sister and a dependable daughter)… you have showed us examples of perseverance, prudence, generosity, leadership, toughness, sacrifice and love! You have endured and triumphed a lot and you must be proud of how well other people succeed through your influence, advise, inspiration, pushing, cheering and support!

You have touched so many lives. Not only us, your children, but almost all those who have came your way. In any grand or even simple help you were always ready to impart so unselfishly. I am honored to have shared my Mama with them! I am very very proud that you are my mom! I love you so much Mama… 💔💕🌹💜🎈

#mamanibabel #byebye #feb23 #paalamansapebrero #mamaNgBayan #magdatenakayoninDaddy

Embrace

Saw you vividly, as I turned

In your flowery green dress

Smiling, beaming 

Standing, walking

Rejoicing!

Both of us… 

We embraced … I held you tight!

And Just realized how long since i last hugged-embraced you… long time… 

Cant embrace-hug you… How can I? Your back is always held firmly by your bed… 

But tonight i felt our embrace! 

Pure joy … Your joy… 

Beaming in your favorite green dress…

Then I felt that i have to loosen our embrace… 

But not just as yet … 

To let go… 

My Simple Pleasures in 6 Words

Im doing some bulletpoint journaling of things that marked my “mundane”, ordinary life… BUT Ordinary our everyday life may seem,  we just dont actually notice that small blessings and reasons to be thankful for… We might be failing to see those tiny pleasures, simple gestures, unnoticable events or even that warm heartfelt feelings of momentarily joy (even in the midst of sadness or tension).. Mind you there are so many… Go Take Notice and Be Grateful!

  

Gratitude Journal

Here are 20 topics for gratitude journals that will keep our heart singing….

1. Things that make me laugh
2. Prayers of thanks
3. What I’m grateful about myself
4. People who’ve inspires me
5. Opportunities I’m thankful for
6. The friendships for keeps
7. Life-changing experiences
8. The job/projects I love best
9. Relationships that we cherish most
10. Moments of “firsts”
11. New awesome places
12. Life’s lessons
13. What makes my house a home
14. My defining moments
15. My chances to help
16. Appreciations thrown my way
17. Receiving help and support when least expected
18. New interesting knowledge and learning
19. Discovering new hobby or passion
20. For everyday’s simple pleasures

Keeping a “physical” journal is hard (for me), though I know I’m always excited every start of the year, and I have several notebooks and journals to start writing on — haha but as you can see (just like my blogging) I never kept-up at it…. (is it only me?)

Well, maybe with these lists above, it can be a good start …. again….

• #ListsNiBabel
• #MakesBrainOrganized
• #HopeMasustainNaman

 

My 52 Pieces Marbles

New beginning. We are given again another year, another 52 weeks, another 365 days. No guarantee though, but we can take it one-day at a time, a-week at a time. So how am I going to spend these days whole-heartedly and purposefully. Right! Fill with fun, adventures and positive attitude about the future, and most especially the Present, my “every moment” our “Now”

My 52 pieces marbles, I will not let a single one be put in “dull” jar… So, i will now again to embark on my 52-week adventure. Let’s plan to create memories (or maybe suddenly make unplanned adventures):

The 52-pieces marbles representing our 52-weeks in a year, this is inspired by a story (here or something similar to this)….

Will I make a shortlist of things to try?  doable weekly or on any spur of the moment ….

1. Dine again at Red Planet Restaurant
2. Try Go-carting
3. Girl’s Out
4. Decorate Aliya’s room
5. Donate pillows Childhaus or PGH
6. Make a new dress (sewing)
7. Gym with Papi and Lean
8. Weekday Bike with Aliya
9. Decorate the Alfa store with Aliya
10.  Gardening project
11. ….. let the list be open….

will update you soon….

Yes I am Visiting MY Blog Site

I am reviewing my Blogsite for the past few days , especially those lists about my goals and my proud reports as I accomplished them…… It made me smile, and also made me envy of my older self…. Actually, because of that, I made few realizations (again):

• That I was so focused and deliberate and mindful of my actions and goals;
• That I was so motivated to do/act more and set goals as I accomplished stuff;
• That I was so vocal and can write and express my trivial thoughts and mundane happenings in life
• What a “life-hacker” I was before!

But also I realized that even I AM NOT as focused or deliberate or motivated or as expressive NOW (unlike before)…. looking back, I have fairly DONE and accomplished what I have to do, patterned to the my goals and to my subconscious wants and needs and desires when I was younger.  Not Bad! and I have to tap my back for that!

Truly, I subconsciously was NOT getting back to my blogging because of several reasons such as : FEAR (I have to admit it!) of being confronted by Better Version of ME BEFORE, and that I failed “ME” miserably by cruising and “wasting” time (and life) without deliberate plans. And there is also the same reason of SHAME (huhhh even just for myself!) – for always having “this” thoughts of going back to blogging/writing, and actually “starting” it but NEVER sustained it (see how seldom my blogs are).  Also, for a fairly good reason also of LACK of MOTIVATION  – or that lack of courage to pull a good entry to express my trivial thoughts about my mundane life….

BUT what the heck!

As I was giving too much reasons in my mind NOT to write this, I just purged on and made an absolute resolve (as of now) that I will write (create art) whatever and whenever it takes….

And as I mentioned, looking back…. NOT BAD! and in fact I have done other things that were not “planned” way back (but then it surprised me as well)….  I know, I’m pretty doing a GREAT job now! That I did pretty well between today and since 7 or 9 years back… (It’s just I missed the chance to document them as they happened – well that’s my loss).

See you around! I have so many to chatter about in next few days….

 

 

“Before I Turn 50” List (published 9 years ago)

Beware: This list was published in 2009 – 9 years ago… I will just update now (2018) those that I have done already in Bold fonts… (Hope there will only few items left as it will now be just 2 years to go…😁)

Before I Turn 50Most of these, of course, I want to do/experience with my kids in tow (or accomplice)…. It will be a great fun!

Horseback riding (on a running horse)

Can make 20 kinds of salad (without looking at recipe book) – counted few – not yet 20

See Vatican and Rome

Sea Cruise (Asia)

Have an Exercise Routine

Ilocos Tour

Founded a Charitable Foundation

Charitable mission at rural area once a year

Make love under the starlight (of course, this is with my papi… no kids allowed:)

Have a date in Paris

Back in shape!

Able to save for my retirement!

Interview and document lives of 20 ordinary people

Parasailing

Underwater Walk or Snorkeling

Be serious in photography

Ride a wildest roller coaster with Jolo

Write a book / article

Make snow-angel or sand-angel

Drive own car

Debt-free, saving-galore

Poll dancing or Yoga

Visit a rainforest

Published a company manual

Have a portfolio of home accessory designs (pillows)

US Trip to see my brothers

Train ride to Bicol or Vacation with parents at Naga

Mountain hiking

Be part of a stage play – and more than that – I produced series of Concerts 

Continue hosting my gift-giving charity work every Christmas until my 50th 

Donate blood

Fluffier Moments

I never realized that threads and fabric and sewing and embroidering will be my thing now… Though I grew up with it, my mom being a dressmaker… Im a consultant/auditor by profession, but sewing and embroidering now is one of my businesses that I truly enjoy. PILLOW ME enhances me, inspires me and gives my creativity side a poke every now and then. Here, in my blog site (and its IG page), we will showcase those pillows we created and pillows that were beloved and brought joy to us while making it and those who had them…    

and now… they are all in their rooms

Today is a special day that i want to mark it here in my blog, at least for me – and my Aliya. Just want to keep this moment in pen (blog) as this is her first night to sleep in her bedroom. Well, she already have this bedroom made for her last year, with all her stuff and toys now there…. But I dont know why she never run out of alibi and excuses why she still has to stay with us in our master bedroom. I might say mommy and papi too are not as much eager too to let her go hahaha… And accepts her alibis (and help her think of new reasons too). Lots of compromises, promises and scheduling… Next month, next weekend, every wed maybe, or when the summer comes… And then there were threats by her brothers to take-over the room… And then the final ultimatum that if she will not go to her room this wednesday, then she will have to stay with us until her 18th birthday…. that maybe made her.

And so here we are now, trying to be comfortable in her tiny bed, as mommy need to stay until she fell asleep.

And here I am now happy (or maybe not) to have finally let her do this “big leap” (for her)… She is ten now, a very-clingy-ten-year-old baby girl. And now Im already “missing” her….

Serene and Wise

Last night, I wrote what will I do in the morning, first agenda, must-do, something out of routine…. This is to remind me when I get up and my mind gets too busy thinking so many trivial tasks ahead. 

I wrote: Walk.. Jog.. to the Farm…

Out of nowhere, Aliya requested this also last night. And I said why not… 

And so we went… along the way, it makes me feel blissful… The smell of burning woods reminds me of childhood times in the farm. I chanced also 2 old friends along the way… Saw the farm irrigation and line of fighting cocks… Reminds me of old ways in old days…

When I get to the farm’s gate, I jokingly called out Daddy… Like old days when I visit him there on any sunday… Aliya is quite uneasy, me calling dad’s name… Then something gives me a goosebump… And then it hit me! I remembered! 

This is the same day last year when we took Daddy there for (apparently) his last visit to his loving farm! With all his oxygen, in his wheelchair and with his favorite Readers Digest!

 Last year, same day! We spent the next 3 hours there (amazingly without putting on his oxygen tube)… We talked and we read Readers Digest! And most of the time he was so serene, seemed peaceful and no worries on his face… Looking back, I thought he was so accepting and thoughtful of what lies ahead without remorse or regret or sadness… Not even fear…

 Just an afterthought… I wished we all could be like him… Taking each moment as it comes for all that it is worth… 

Twelve days later, he left us for much better place, much beautiful than his most-loved farm…

Oh Daddy Im just so missing you.

Right now, here in the farm, you took me here perhaps. You led me going here. Unknowingly of the date today. Your presence can be felt and I feel you through the wind and soft breeze around. I cried today. But I know, Im glad, I live in the universe alongside you, Dad. 

Yes Dad, thanks for reminding me… I will take each moment as it come for all that it is worth, no regrets, no fear, no worries. 

   

 

Conquer the Mountain

Conquer the mountain, because its there….

Let’s conquer Mt. Ulap at Benguet next week?

I used to get excited whenever there is an invitation for outdoor adventure like hiking, trekking or spelunking… but now, I had this feeling of slight dread and yes, shame…

The truth, I’m not in shape (literally and mentally) to do such extraneous adventure now… and just the thought of it, brings bit of cringe on my spine… Maybe the physical aspect cannot outdo any mind-setting I will do now… Not yet ready.

Good thing, it made me realized how I used to LOVE to dare adventure and just do it…  I realized how I neglected my self/ health big time recently… no alibis to be given… nope…. If my mind can WILL myself to shape-up, maybe its not yet too late…

So let’s conquer Mt. Ulap next week? ohhhh no, not next week….

Let’s goal to start with easy level by next month… Mt. Maculot, maybe.  Nevertheless, I will have to conquer first my OWN mountain.

Time Not Well Spent…

Peering at my phone clock every early morning, it almost always says : 3:59am (or around that region)… Me, snoozing until 4:30 (trying to go back to sleep, but can’t), then finally, feeling motivated of what I can do more on this wee hour before everybody gets awake, I stand up thinking that I will finally be able to do this “grand” task I been holding back to do.

Then in habitual motions, I will grab my mobile, check the time, walk to the loo browsing my mails, glance at my calendars and reminders (and noticing that few have “moved” since I wrote them)… Remind myself to set get to do those… Then will goes back to the mails and messages while having my ginger-lemon tea…

I intend to go straight to my working table, for that design to make, or blog to write, or art to create or some accounting to do… Until everybody gets awake… Oh I always have that noble intentions…. That’s the plan… Well, That is ALWAYS the plan…

And it always didn’t happen.  Distracted. Unfocused. Disorganized… my motions are as if dictated by every mail I opened, every order that sent my way, every query by clients, every concern by our production people, every trivial errand that is either due or already past due. Time passed and did I accomplish anything? I mean, the way I planned it…

So, this is the consequence of me having so “much” time in my hand… Since I resigned from my corporate job, I thought that I always have the time in the world to do what I love to do, or if not done soon enough, I always have that “tomorrow.”

I have sooo much free time…

And that, I realized, is a bad notion… now I feel that the habit of “free-time, free-willing” motions now got into me. These habits now overtake me. Hate to admit it, but I have not done much for myself that I can be proud of.

The plans for the year crumbled, the plans for the month just didn’t happen…. So much so, even the plans for the DAY is just like a day-dream.

Checking my mobile clock this early morning, and its 3:59am again. Feeling thankful for another extra hour for this extra day in my life… But how will I best spend it again?

Maybe I will buy a night clock today to stop myself holding my mobile phone every morning.

Only Few Things…

Yesterday was a windy fine day, I was left alone in the house and actually enjoying my time and the wind outside… Just a few minutes later, I smell smoke and saw that our street is so foggy… Panic and shouting on the street… I raced outside and saw big fire engulfing the second floor of our neighbor’s house, just 3 house away from us! What to do?!

Ohh that next few moments are played in speed fast-forward… Calling my husband, calling fire dept, securing my important papers in boxes, cuddling my dog, texting my brothers, putting other stuff near the door,  running outside and inside our house (by then also filled of smoke), doing that and more… and maybe not in that particular order… I tried to keep my focus… But I admit, it was a teary moment and I was in a bit in terror.

Firemen took some time to arrive (or maybe we are just expecting them too soon). I must have overreacted but who knows. But on those few moments, I have few things that I realized:

1. That my important things that worth saving is only just 2 small boxes. After filling those, I dont know what else to pick and seemed everything else are no longer important.

2. So why do I have so much stuff than I should? Maybe its now the time to unclutter.

3. No, our house is not yet insured. But we thought of it months ago, a day ago… But have not done anything yet to insure it)…

4. Our safety must be always our top priority. What if it happened in our house? What if it happened at night? Have to think of escape plan and have to tell my kids… Have to tell also my son (now in a dorm) to know their fire drill.

5. Dont be too complecent in life… We should not take life, or every moment, for granted… Anything can happen in blink of an eye…

All is well now, our house, that one by the tree, is OK. We are OK. Hope their dog is Ok, she still missing, she was rescued from chain by the firemen and run to I dont know where…

After this, just like any tragedy or near-tragedy, we hope to learn few lessons and appreciate those few important things…

Time Really Flies…

Last week I attended a school activity… I peeked in the room to call Aliya, and waited outside the door… I knew I was looking at

that LINE on the door (where two painted colors meet), expecting subconciously that her head will pop out somewhere below that line. I clearly remember my surprise how in the world is she so taller than that, that she almost bumped her face to mine. Never thought she will get taller or bigger actually. Ohh, I questioned my mind, why it has a wrong imprint of  my everyday image of her… Or maybe this is now the reality…. Oh-ohh…

Somehow life is happening in a blink of our eyes. And made us wondering what happened in between. My kids grow before my eyes, and I’m always amazed (and yet worried), not remembering how they gets so tall, or so lean, or so manly-looking (or teen-looking) … or anything but just my babies anymore…

Well, everytime, whenever “regrets” creep in for time gone or moments lost, I have to remind myself that I have to seize that very moment, right that minute to capture that looks, that voice, that words, that actuation, that smiles of my sons/daughter, and “bottle” that memories just that….Freeze!

Because sooner in the future, I will ask again… When does the time gone? And will probably miss this exact moment in the time of my kids…

Later on the that school discussion, I almost suggested that they should change the paint colors of the doors…

The Adventure is Out There

The coming days from now and the near and far future is somewhat “new” to me as I embark on my next chapter of my life. After long years of being part of a corporate world, I am now on my own…. There are fears, yes; hesitations, definitely; worries, for sure …. But there are really moments of great anticipation and excitement. I know I have prepared myself enough for this, and I am more than ready. I Know!

Talking more about positivity, I am now beginning to embrace (and enjoying) the “freedom” I have now. It’s more of the luxury of my time to do what I think really matters now to me. To see again what I am capable of doing in different fields. To experience again the new and renewed energy and creativity. To rekindle again relationships. To enjoy the extra time spent just playing and creating and keep on learning. The possibilities are endless… so why hesitate, why worry.

The adventure… the grand adventure begins (again)…