Fluffier Moments

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I never realized that threads and fabric and sewing and embroidering will be my thing now… Though I grew up with it, my mom being a dressmaker… Im a consultant/auditor by profession, but sewing and embroidering now is one of my businesses that I truly enjoy. PILLOW ME enhances me, inspires me and gives my creativity side a poke every now and then. Here, in my blog site (and its IG page), we will showcase those pillows we created and pillows that were beloved and brought joy to us while making it and those who had them…    

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and now… they are all in their rooms

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Today is a special day that i want to mark it here in my blog, at least for me – and my Aliya. Just want to keep this moment in pen (blog) as this is her first night to sleep in her bedroom. Well, she already have this bedroom made for her last year, with all her stuff and toys now there…. But I dont know why she never run out of alibi and excuses why she still has to stay with us in our master bedroom. I might say mommy and papi too are not as much eager too to let her go hahaha… And accepts her alibis (and help her think of new reasons too). Lots of compromises, promises and scheduling… Next month, next weekend, every wed maybe, or when the summer comes… And then there were threats by her brothers to take-over the room… And then the final ultimatum that if she will not go to her room this wednesday, then she will have to stay with us until her 18th birthday…. that maybe made her.

And so here we are now, trying to be comfortable in her tiny bed, as mommy need to stay until she fell asleep.

And here I am now happy (or maybe not) to have finally let her do this “big leap” (for her)… She is ten now, a very-clingy-ten-year-old baby girl. And now Im already “missing” her….

Serene and Wise

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Last night, I wrote what will I do in the morning, first agenda, must-do, something out of routine…. This is to remind me when I get up and my mind gets too busy thinking so many trivial tasks ahead. 

I wrote: Walk.. Jog.. to the Farm…

Out of nowhere, Aliya requested this also last night. And I said why not… 

And so we went… along the way, it makes me feel blissful… The smell of burning woods reminds me of childhood times in the farm. I chanced also 2 old friends along the way… Saw the farm irrigation and line of fighting cocks… Reminds me of old ways in old days…

When I get to the farm’s gate, I jokingly called out Daddy… Like old days when I visit him there on any sunday… Aliya is quite uneasy, me calling dad’s name… Then something gives me a goosebump… And then it hit me! I remembered! 

This is the same day last year when we took Daddy there for (apparently) his last visit to his loving farm! With all his oxygen, in his wheelchair and with his favorite Readers Digest!

 Last year, same day! We spent the next 3 hours there (amazingly without putting on his oxygen tube)… We talked and we read Readers Digest! And most of the time he was so serene, seemed peaceful and no worries on his face… Looking back, I thought he was so accepting and thoughtful of what lies ahead without remorse or regret or sadness… Not even fear…

 Just an afterthought… I wished we all could be like him… Taking each moment as it comes for all that it is worth… 

Twelve days later, he left us for much better place, much beautiful than his most-loved farm…

Oh Daddy Im just so missing you.

Right now, here in the farm, you took me here perhaps. You led me going here. Unknowingly of the date today. Your presence can be felt and I feel you through the wind and soft breeze around. I cried today. But I know, Im glad, I live in the universe alongside you, Dad. 

Yes Dad, thanks for reminding me… I will take each moment as it come for all that it is worth, no regrets, no fear, no worries. 

   

 

Conquer the Mountain

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Conquer the mountain, because its there….

Let’s conquer Mt. Ulap at Benguet next week?

I used to get excited whenever there is an invitation for outdoor adventure like hiking, trekking or spelunking… but now, I had this feeling of slight dread and yes, shame…

The truth, I’m not in shape (literally and mentally) to do such extraneous adventure now… and just the thought of it, brings bit of cringe on my spine… Maybe the physical aspect cannot outdo any mind-setting I will do now… Not yet ready.

Good thing, it made me realized how I used to LOVE to dare adventure and just do it…  I realized how I neglected my self/ health big time recently… no alibis to be given… nope…. If my mind can WILL myself to shape-up, maybe its not yet too late…

So let’s conquer Mt. Ulap next week? ohhhh no, not next week….

Let’s goal to start with easy level by next month… Mt. Maculot, maybe.  Nevertheless, I will have to conquer first my OWN mountain. think-2

Time Not Well Spent…

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Peering at my phone clock every early morning, it almost always says : 3:59am (or around that region)… Me, snoozing until 4:30 (trying to go back to sleep, but can’t), then finally, feeling motivated of what I can do more on this wee hour before everybody gets awake, I stand up thinking that I will finally be able to do this “grand” task I been holding back to do.

Then in habitual motions, I will grab my mobile, check the time, walk to the loo browsing my mails, glance at my calendars and reminders (and noticing that few have “moved” since I wrote them)… Remind myself to set get to do those… Then will goes back to the mails and messages while having my ginger-lemon tea…

I intend to go straight to my working table, for that design to make, or blog to write, or art to create or some accounting to do… Until everybody gets awake… Oh I always have that noble intentions…. That’s the plan… Well, That is ALWAYS the plan…

And it always didn’t happen.  Distracted. Unfocused. Disorganized… my motions are as if dictated by every mail I opened, every order that sent my way, every query by clients, every concern by our production people, every trivial errand that is either due or already past due. Time passed and did I accomplish anything? I mean, the way I planned it…

So, this is the consequence of me having so “much” time in my hand… Since I resigned from my corporate job, I thought that I always have the time in the world to do what I love to do, or if not done soon enough, I always have that “tomorrow.”

I have sooo much free time…

And that, I realized, is a bad notion… now I feel that the habit of “free-time, free-willing” motions now got into me. These habits now overtake me. Hate to admit it, but I have not done much for myself that I can be proud of.

The plans for the year crumbled, the plans for the month just didn’t happen…. So much so, even the plans for the DAY is just like a day-dream.

Checking my mobile clock this early morning, and its 3:59am again. Feeling thankful for another extra hour for this extra day in my life… But how will I best spend it again?

Maybe I will buy a night clock today to stop myself holding my mobile phone every morning.

Only Few Things…

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Yesterday was a windy fine day, I was left alone in the house and actually enjoying my time and the wind outside… Just a few minutes later, I smell smoke and saw that our street is so foggy… Panic and shouting on the street… I raced outside and saw big fire engulfing the second floor of our neighbor’s house, just 3 house away from us! What to do?!

Ohh that next few moments are played in speed fast-forward… Calling my husband, calling fire dept, securing my important papers in boxes, cuddling my dog, texting my brothers, putting other stuff near the door,  running outside and inside our house (by then also filled of smoke), doing that and more… and maybe not in that particular order… I tried to keep my focus… But I admit, it was a teary moment and I was in a bit in terror.

Firemen took some time to arrive (or maybe we are just expecting them too soon). I must have overreacted but who knows. But on those few moments, I have few things that I realized:

1. That my important things that worth saving is only just 2 small boxes. After filling those, I dont know what else to pick and seemed everything else are no longer important.

2. So why do I have so much stuff than I should? Maybe its now the time to unclutter.

3. No, our house is not yet insured. But we thought of it months ago, a day ago… But have not done anything yet to insure it)…

4. Our safety must be always our top priority. What if it happened in our house? What if it happened at night? Have to think of escape plan and have to tell my kids… Have to tell also my son (now in a dorm) to know their fire drill.

5. Dont be too complecent in life… We should not take life, or every moment, for granted… Anything can happen in blink of an eye…

All is well now, our house, that one by the tree, is OK. We are OK. Hope their dog is Ok, she still missing, she was rescued from chain by the firemen and run to I dont know where…

After this, just like any tragedy or near-tragedy, we hope to learn few lessons and appreciate those few important things…

Time Really Flies…

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Last week I attended a school activity… I peeked in the room to call Aliya, and waited outside the door… I knew I was looking at

that LINE on the door (where two painted colors meet), expecting subconciously that her head will pop out somewhere below that line. I clearly remember my surprise how in the world is she so taller than that, that she almost bumped her face to mine. Never thought she will get taller or bigger actually. Ohh, I questioned my mind, why it has a wrong imprint of  my everyday image of her… Or maybe this is now the reality…. Oh-ohh…

Somehow life is happening in a blink of our eyes. And made us wondering what happened in between. My kids grow before my eyes, and I’m always amazed (and yet worried), not remembering how they gets so tall, or so lean, or so manly-looking (or teen-looking) … or anything but just my babies anymore…

Well, everytime, whenever “regrets” creep in for time gone or moments lost, I have to remind myself that I have to seize that very moment, right that minute to capture that looks, that voice, that words, that actuation, that smiles of my sons/daughter, and “bottle” that memories just that….Freeze!

Because sooner in the future, I will ask again… When does the time gone? And will probably miss this exact moment in the time of my kids…

Later on the that school discussion, I almost suggested that they should change the paint colors of the doors…